i am not really sure if this is the correct place to record the things that i am about to. There is one person who may decide that it is not appropriate, that it is too public, in which case i will obviously delete or move them.
Equally i am not sure that i have it within me to write anything that is of any interest to anybody else or that is even intelligible. Which in itself is strange, because i love words, I am a word-smith and proof-reader. I can pick not just holes, but giant chasms in the spelling, grammar and punctuation of others. Yet my own is atrocious. Thank God for spell checkers (although, as an aside, i remember a theology professor once informing a class that in the original (i think it was Hebrew) of the account of Moses and the Ten Commandments, there is (apparently) a serious grammatical error resulting in the implication that sleeping with one’s neighbour’s wife was actually a good thing. But i digress).
i should also point out, that my use of the lower case ‘i’ is deliberate. i am a submissive.
i wanted a place where i could record my steps along this new journey that i appear to have started.
So i suppose a little introduction is called for (yea, like anyone’s ever going to read this far).
i am currently 43 years old although i expect that that will change soon, certainly within the next year or so. i have been a sub before, but it was within a previous relationship. i was submissive to my girlfriend but only within specific play times. We visited several clubs together including:
- “Club Lash” in Manchester
- “Republique” in Stoke-on-Trent
- “Rapture” in Balsall Common
- “The Gate” in London
- “Sweet Torments” in London.
We would always play – we loved playing, and i especially loved playing in public. i was always the sub.
However it always felt as if it was actually me that was in control. i readily admit that i “topped from the bottom”. i had my ‘shopping list’ of wants and needs and likes. We would play with the things that i liked. Our play sessions at home were usually instigated by me and our trips out to play were usually suggested by me. It was never quite right. i loved the lady dearly and we had six wonderful years together. She is a beautiful person and if she ever finds herself on this site and reading this, she should know i am grateful for everything that we did and every moment that we had together.
But that was then. During our last year we didn’t play at all which was of course symptomatic of other problems and we eventually split up at Christmas 2004.
i joined the IC several months ago and just pottered about in the background and didn’t really say much or get involved.
Then i became friends with Merrynb and through her, everything eventually changed.