The Honorable Member’s statement relating to the alledged fisting incident

I wish to make the following statement, following which, i would ask that members of the press leave me and my family in peace :

During a private sub-committee meeting, between myself and the honourable member for North Flatulence, we were interrupted by Mrs Milkspoon, the parliamentary tea lady, who kindly brought us Fairy cakes and a tray of Crème Caramels.

It was a hot day and for comfort we’d stripped down to our underwear, leaving our trousers around our ankles.

We were shortly disturbed by the ringing of the new telephone, which we mistook for the fire alarm.

Jumping quickly to my feet in response, i accidentally knocked over the cake stand, sending the crème caramels flying into the air.

At the same moment, the honourable member for North Flatulence, thought it best to attempt to pull up his trousers and tie his shoes laces, should the need for a speedy evacuation arise. Owing to his larger frame and the minimalist nature of his under garments, a large section of his bottom was unfortunately visible.

I was almost able to catch one of the now airborne caramels, it landing as it did, upturned onto my outstretched hand.

As I proceeded to leap towards it, i tripped over my own trousers and fell forwards, towards the aforementioned exposed bottom. Reaching out with my by now caramel covered hand to break my fall, i accidentally slid my entire arm, right up to the elbow, within the honourable member for North Flatulence.

I can completely understand, how Mrs Milkspoon, on hearing the commotion, could have misunderstood the scenario unfolding before her, but I can assure you, that at no time was any physical pleasure intended, towards the honourable member for North Flatulence.

I trust that that brings an end to this affair and that myself and my family can be left alone at what is understandably, a difficult time for us all.

About severin

Nobody special and what I write might not be to everyone's taste - it tends to be a bit naughty. so you've been warned.
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