I wish to complain about this Domme, what I purchased not eighteen months ago from this very establishment.
The Swedish Blonde.
And I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. It leaks. That’s what’s wrong with it!
Despite it’s beautiful plumage, I tell you it’s developed a leak! It’s what I call a leaky Domme.
I’ve tried to plug the leak, but it just carries on leaking!!
I’ve tried cock, dildos and, like any good Dutch boy when faced with a leaky dyke, i’ve tried plugging its ‘ole with me fingers. And I tell you, it still leaks!!
This Domme is definitely defective and when I purchased it not ‘eighteen months ago, I was assured that its total lack of squirting was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged walk.
And don’t tell me it’s probably pining for the fjords. What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
Does the Swedish Blonde prefers keepin’ on it’s back despite being a remarkable bird with lovely plumage?
Look, I took the liberty of examining that Domme when I got it home and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting up in the first place was that it had just been nailed.
It’s bleedin’ defective!
It’s not pinin’! It’s faulty! This Domme is with leak! It has ceased to be dry! It’s squirting for England and going for the record! It’s a squirter! Bereft of dry towels, it’s lying in a puddle! It’s kicked the bucket over, and flooded the bedroom. It’s shuffled off the double quilt. It’s run up a dry cleaning bill and joined the bleedin’ screaming choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-dry Domme!!