We tend not to choose when and by what means we come to this lifestyle of ours and similarly we tend not to choose the method or reason of our departing from it. For me there was just a realisation that within a primarily monogamous and exclusive relationship, I simply got bored of what to me, became the rather repetitive kink. It was certainly nobody’s fault and equally couldn’t be helped. If the kink is only working for one person, then clearly, it isn’t working. Nobody wants a partner to simply go through the motions just to please the other.
My problem is that I’m too adventurous, too curious. I had notions of trying all sorts of new and terrible and exciting and scary things, but within the realms of the monogamous relationship and with a small number of exceptional and memorable occasions (two ladies with big scary knives immediately springs to mind) that was just not going to happen.
So I decided to say goodbye to most things kink (hey why flog a dead horse, except for the practice) and return to the ways of the ‘nilla-folk.
And the resultant effects have been surprising.
Well first of course, we’ve saved a lot of money and in these times, that’s no bad thing. But the most alarming effect has been the disappearance of ‘friends’. It seems that I had a lot of ‘friends’ who were only interested in me whilst I was a part of that circle. Whilst I was partaking of their sport and willing to be the performing monkey or whore at their parties and events. The court jester was often a role that seemed appropriate (although some might wisely also suggest the village idiot)! The ones who remain in contact, who answer memos and telephone calls and make an effort to keep in touch, other than just when kink is the topic, are very much still friends. The true friends. As for the others, well I guess they never really were friends to begin with.
Of course there may well be other effects as well. Some perhaps not apparent until much water has flowed under the bridge. So maybe I’ll update this as time passes. The first scientific study of the effects of returning to ‘nilla land? Oh maybe there’s a EU grant available!
At some point I’m sure I’ll dip my toe back into the water again. After all, the reasons I came to kink are still there, are still valid. I still have the same things to offer and the same outlook on life and quite probably a few more humorous (or stupid) anecdotes to recount, but I’ll be more cautious and sadly, quite possibly more sceptical.
(ETA spelling, grammar, punctuation, humour if you can spot it and poignancy).