For those of you unfamiliar with the spring.me website, it basically allows anyone to ask me any question. I don’t know yet whether i’ll keep it going, that all depends on how entertaining the questions are. I’ll try wherever possible to answer everything honestly and, hopefully, with a little humour where it’s appropriate. The questions asked so far, together with my answers, are reproduced below. So, it’s over to you!
(Newest questions inserted at the top).
14) Why are the best nudist villages abroad, why can we not have good places over here?
The only nudist (or naturist) village that i’ve been to on holiday is Cap D’agde on the South coast of France, midway between Toulouse and Marseille. It’s a complete town where naturism is the norm.
My girlfriend at the time and i camped there for two whole glorious naked weeks. On our first night there we were taken into a bar by a couple of very friendly guys from the tent pitch next to ours. They suggested that i at least wear some shorts, but i was determined to stay naked.
It took a while, but after several little notes had been delivered to our table, it began to dawn on me they’d taken us to a gay bar. To this day it remains the only gay bar that i’ve walked into naked.
13) Who was your childhood sweetheart? Will you tell us about that person?
Oh this is easy. My childhood sweetheart was Sally Parsloe and we met when i was four years old. I remember that it was my second day at the convent school. I’d got into trouble on my very first day for rushing past a Christmas tree and knocking a glass bauble off which promptly smashed. (I’ve no idea why i started school just before Christmas).
Anyway, day two and i was in the toilet having a wee. Quite unexpectedly, Sally crawled under the door (there was a gap just big enough) and watched me having my wee (well i could hardly stop could i)? Once i had finished, we emerged from the cubicle together and there, standing tall and fierce, was Sister Francis, glaring at us and tapping a ruler in her hand menacingly. Sally got a severe telling off and a finger wagging warning. I got the ruler, very hard, across both hands.
I didn’t tell Sister that it was Sally who had invaded my ablutions and i think Sally thought i to be her hero for taking the punishment that should by rights, really have been hers. We were inseparable for many years.
12) If porridge is a substitute for sex and cake should be fed after play, what should soup, steak and sponge pudding be substitutes for?
Our thanks to Mrs Spatula of Cockbobbing for this question.
Well they don’t necessarily need to be substitutes for anything. But they could of course simply be substitutes for kinky play when the players just fancy a cosy time together, enjoying each other’s company. And two people, sitting naked, cross legged, right up close to each other, in front of an open fire, feeding each other, is very erotic (although the hot soup is possibly not a good idea under these conditions).
Sponge pudding of course offers the possibility of custard or cream or ice-cream and all the sexual nuances that they provide. And with any food, forcing a submissive to feed from a bowl, perhaps on the floor, perhaps in the style of a chosen pet, with no cutlery, can be a highly intense D/s experience for both.
11) What sexual position do you feel is most submissive, and which one is least submissive?
Now this is an interesting question. I suppose for me, the most submissive sexual positions would be things like having a lady sitting on my face, forcing me to taste and pleasure her (although i’m not sure it would take much forcing). Or being raped by a lady who’s wearing a strap-on. Fairly stereotypical i think.
As for the least submissive, I suppose any position which has me on top or over or holding down the lady. Or any position where it is me that’s positioning the lady or her legs.
But of course that’s not the whole story. A Domme might easily want to be held down or bent over and fucked hard by her sub. She might demand anal sex of him. Neither makes him Dom, merely obedient. Similarly a dominant might demand that a girl sit on their face so that they can take pleasure from eating and tasting her. But that doesn’t make them submissive.
So i don’t think it’s the actual act or position itself, but rather, who is asking and who is obeying and giving the satisfaction desired.
10) As a submissive have you ever had sex with your Domme (instigated by you) part way through playing, or would you like to try if you were turned on by what she was doing and felt that way inclined or do you not consider sex should be part of playing?
I haven’t in the past, but i would if the Domme desired it. As the sub i see my role as being there to provide pleasure, it’s up to the lady how she chooses to take that pleasure.
9) Your love for cake after sex and other debauchery…..would you/have you ever integrated the two?
Well i have been forced to cum onto cake before eating it, which is kinda hot.
8) What can I do to put more oomph into my sex life, my girlfriend is great and I really want to give her more pleasure, what would you do?
It’s great that you’re asking about giving HER more pleasure. But every woman is different and what makes one girl scream with pleasure might not even distract another from her knitting. But it’s fun finding out what presses her buttons. And of course you can ask her. A lot can be learned from having an evening of sharing fantasies.
7) If you were offered the job of U.S. president would you take the job?
Yes i would actually. I used to say that electing the POTUS was too important a job to just be left to the American people. The problem is of course, that it’s two jobs. It’s president of the United States and it’s citizens and also the leader of the “free world” with global responsibilities.
I think that during the Bush years, America and most of the world were hoping that the next president wouldn’t be just another career politician, but someone with common sense, someone would look at issues and just try and do the right thing, both for the American people and on the world stage. I think they’ve finally got that this time, although of course only time will tell whether i’m right.
6) What can I do for my guy, sexually, that will send pleasure thru his entire body? Something he will remember for a long time as a great experience.
Oh my gosh, that’s a difficult one although bizarrely, one answer did immediately sprang to mind. Everyone is of course different and has their own buttons waiting to be pressed and you’ll both have your boundries.
If you haven’t already tried it, then dildo / strap-on play can be extremely intense and mind-blowing.
Or maybe an evening at a swingers club or dungeon.
5) Where have I hidden my toys?
Well they are probably in your safety deposit box along with all of your gold. And porn. Failing that, have you tried looking under the bed? If nothing else, it’ll prompt you to have a good clean under there!
4) Should porridge replace cake after sex, degradation and filth?
Oh my goodness, my gracious, my heaven’s to Besty, no. Porridge is a substitute for sex. Cake will always be the preferred source of nourishment and aftercare following a bout of sex, degradation and filth. Why, were you offering?
3) Why don’t you put these answers on Facebook so I can keep up with them? Huh huh huh??
And our thanks go to Mrs Milkspoon of Nether Wallop for sending us this question. Well I can tell you Mrs Milkstool that that is indeed something that we at Severin industries are looking into. Indeed, by the time that you read this reply, it may have already appeared on Facebook.
Or possibly Crimewatch.
Probably not Gardener’s Question Time though.
2) Why are you so damn sexy, asks the spider.
Because you’re having so much damn good sex, it’s sending your eyes crossed. But maybe one day i’ll pop over and you can see for yourself. xx
1) What was your favorite movie as a child?