I recently failed in a task that was set for me by my Domme. The task was clear and the deadline for its completion, equally clear. And i failed it. Oh sure i made an effort to complete it, but it was not a very good effort. Circumstances had prevented me being able to complete it in the way that i’d hoped, but i adapted badly and ultimately it was my responsibility that i failed, no-one else’s.
My Domme even offered me a choice, a way out of it by means of an extension or i could just accept there and then that i’d failed it. I admitted failure. I didn’t want to wriggle out of it. I didn’t want to cheat and find a way to bend the rules, what a precedent that might set. No i admitted failure and knew that a punishment would be forthcoming.
It later transpired that the punishment will have to wait until we’re together. It is to be physical. She needs it to be so and i think, so do i.
I’m not looking forward to the pain of the punishment at all, because i’m sure that it’ll hurt. There’s a big difference between play that incorporates pain for the sake of further and mutual pleasure and the pain involved in a formal punishment. But bizarrely i am looking forward to the bonds that such a punishment will make. It will strengthen my D/s tie to her in quite a beautiful way. Throughout it i’ll be remembering that she loves me.
She’ll be nervous i’m sure, which in some ways makes my role simpler. I have to make this as easy for her as possible. On this occasion (and somewhat unusually for me) there’ll be no cheek, no backchat. My role will be to be obedient, a very willing submissive and brave. I’ll try and remain silent and take whatever she feels is appropriate. Inside i might be fighting the pain, but i’ll also be welcoming each blow that’s an expression of her love. There might even be tears but i know that afterwards she’ll kiss them away. I know that at some stage i need to cry for her, i need her to take possession of that inner most part of me. Whatever pain she inflicts will be a demonstration of her love and of her desire to have my complete submission.
So i welcome her expression of love no matter how painful it turns out to be.
And later i know that there’ll will be cuddles and more than likely, an overwhelming desire to make love to her.