At last

She finally hurt me. And oh God did we both need that. Oh sure the submission was there, but it was wobbly, it had never been cemented. I was beginning to wonder if it was something real and tangible or merely strongly desired but largely theoretical.

Real life was getting in the way. Real life and stresses and worries were eating into our time. And hey, let’s be honest, some damn good sex was eating into our time as well. Lots of very wet, very filthy and very noisy sex was eating into our time. And come to mention it, eating was eating into our time. Eating each other and eating great food. All very good. All adding up to me being a very lucky boy.

But my lover is also my Domme and whilst i felt it was there and was something i felt inside deeply, i wasn’t sure of the reality of it.

Which brings me onto today’s top subby tip:
Be aware that if you’re going to confide in your Dom/me that you’re not sure whether the D/s side of your relationship is real or merely theoretical, then it’s going to hurt. And hurt a lot.

To be fair she had been needing to hurt me all day. The message from her that morning had told me so. This wasn’t just me being needy, we both were. I just brought the matter to a head. Gave her the excuse. I didn’t so much push her button as ignite her solid rocket booster. And once ignited there was no time to retire to a safe distance. And to be fair, i didn’t want to. Whilst i had no idea how much pain she needed to inflict, i just knew her need was there. Equally i had no idea how much i could accept from her. In the end the answer to that was simple. I’d take whatever she wanted me to.

The initial spanking only served to warm her up. She needed to hurt me more. A lot more. And the pain in her palm only heightened that need. I was in for it. And i knew that we both needed it.

The crop was delivered swiftly, with passion. No holding back, no measure of symmetry or timings. She needed to rain down a succession of hard blows onto me. Was i her submissive? If so i simply had one option: to lie there, eating as much pillow as i needed, but to lie there. Taking each blow. It mattered not whether i whimpered or maintained silence. It mattered not whether i felt that i could take it. I was going to.

But it wasn’t anger. I knew that the blows burning across my ass and thighs weren’t delivered out of anger. There was frustration. There was frustration that she hadn’t had an opportunity to really hurt me yet. To really take me and hurt me and break me. Frustration that she hadn’t had the chance to show me just how much she loves me and wants me and wants my submission.

I had decided to keep still. Not to try and dodge any, not to try and show that it was too much. But just to take it all. Because this was love being offered after all. Several times i had to move my acceptance of the pain up a gear as each new plateau was reached and each time, i realised i was doing it so willingly. And i’m no masochist. I just wanted her to do as much as she needed to. I tried to show her my willingness by raising my bottom, offering even more of it to her. And she hurt it. Hurt it a lot.

And after who knows how many blows, because no one was counting, she stopped. I think she was closer to tears than i was in the end, but we were together. I’d been beaten, hurt and marked. And i was hers. And that felt so very right.

I have no idea how often she’ll have that intensity of need, but it matters not. If it serves to strengthen that connection, then so be it. She knows i need it too. Need her discipline, need her pain and need her love.

About severin

Nobody special and what I write might not be to everyone's taste - it tends to be a bit naughty. so you've been warned.
This entry was posted in Adult, bdsm and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to At last

  1. _Compersian_ says:

    Wow. Touching post. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Woman says:

    Your words were very well written as usual… but this is one of the main reasons why I cannot practice BDSM. I find it silly. But I think I find it so simply because I just cannot wrap my head around the concept of “hurting” someone for pleasure. Or taking out my frustrations on another person.

    Breaking someone on the other hand, I am a teacher and was highly successful teaching hormonal timebombs (teenagers) who pretty much only spoke Chinese and I spoke none. I bent them to my will. But bent them through offering them choices never by fear, or physical harm.

    I just don’t get it to be honest. Part of the reason I subscribed to your blog to be honest. I am trying to understand.

    • severin says:

      Gosh, i can’t believe that i’ve not replied to your comment sooner, how very wude of me! I apologise.

      Everyone’s reaction to BDSM is different, finding it silly is just as valid as any other reaction – hey, i find Morris Dancing silly! So don’t worry on that score.

      My problem is that although it’s something that both my Domme and i need, i can’t explain it very well either. I know that it’s a deep-seated, almost primal need: to be owned by her; to submit to her; to receive her discipline; her pain and her love, but trying to put that into words: that’s where i fail miserably. All i can offer is some insights, some experiences.

      I hope that in some tiny way, they help. And entertain.

      sev xx

      • Woman says:

        Oh you do!!! Trust me you do!!! It is one of the main reasons I return to your blog to read what you write. Getting insight into some peoples needs is a long and confusing road.

        The best thing about your blog is that you don’t throw the content in my fave nor do you say that everyone is missing out if they do not participate which is VERY refreshing to be honest.

        So thank-you!!!

  3. Oh sev, what a beautiful gift you gave to your Domme. Gosh it has been so long since I have offered my love in this very demonstrative and unrestrained way. I feel myself aching for it now after reading your post.
    Soph xx

    • severin says:

      Hello and thank you for your kind comment. I must confess to being a little unsure about posting that at first – you see i’ve been on the other side of the fence, reading blogs from others who had and who were getting, what i felt i wanted. For ages i craved this sort of love.

      But then i met someone and with hardly any words spoken she knew she wanted me in this way and as i fell in love, my submission to her deepened. (Sorry, i’ll stop there before you need to reach for a bucket).

      But rather than feel smug about what i now have, i wish it was something that i could share. So i sincerely hope that you find the right person in time – and what i do know, is that it’s worth waiting for. I learnt that there was no hurry.

      sev xx

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