In order to respond to a particularly witty Tweet from a friend, it was necessary to make a list of possible replies. A week later, this list looks rather poetic, even if it was just a list of things I’d consider get fucked by and the steps I might need to take in order to survive them!
Loofah, courgette, corn cob and Volvo.
When I’ve snorted charlie,
Or maybe had a skin full.
Sink plunger, army, the navy or Santa.
If I’ve swallowed mandy,
Or maybe had a brandy.
Turkey baster, fence post, sweet corn and racquette.
Even when I’m sober,
Or if it’s on a Wednesday.
Look, I never claimed to be Byron ok!