Today I got thinking about orgasms, like one does. I wonder how many times I orgasm in a year, I thought. I wonder how frequent that is and what the standard deviation might be. I wonder who they are with? I wonder where they most often take place. I wonder who I give orgasms to. How many different people? Do I give more orgasms than I receive? More importantly do I give my lover more than I give anyone else? Will I give women more orgasms than men in 2015?
Well some of those questions I know the answers to. But where is the empirical data, the background statistics? And how silly an idea would it be to keep a MySQL table of all the orgasms I give and receive over the course of a year?
And if I do that, what sort of data should I collect? The date? The place? Who was the giver? Who was the receiver? Did I get paid for it? Was it in private or in front of a live television audience? Did I suffer any sort of medical emergency (don’t laugh, I once gave myself whiplash)? Was there cake afterwards? Were the police involved? Where the fire brigade called? Was a vet needed? What did the judge order? And did I get favourable reviews?
These and of course many other questions can be answered with a simple database. And so, I propose, purely for scientific analysis (oh yes, should I record orifices used?) to attempt to keep track of a year’s worth of orgasmic data.
But you see, now I want to know, what does everyone else do? Do you keep a diary? An Excel spreadsheet? Carve notches on the bedpost? Will you remember the name of everyone that you make cum?
I suspect that only the overall summaries will be public viewing – not everyone that I make cum will want to see it in print after all. But if I do make you cum at all this year (and I hope I do) please remind me to complete a database entry, if not during, at least as soon as possible afterwards.